A Parent’s Guide to Trusting Your Instincts
By Dr. Allison Chase
“I’m fine.”
Two little words—and yet so often, they come with a pang in your gut that says otherwise.
As a parent, you know your child. You know their humor, their habits, their rhythm. So when something shifts—even slightly—it’s normal to second-guess yourself. Especially if your child is still excelling in school, sports, or friendships. You don’t want to overreact. You don’t want to accuse. You want to believe them.
But when it comes to eating disorders or body image struggles, “I’m fine” can be one of the most misleading answers a parent can hear.
Why “I’m Fine” Is So Complicated
Teens often say they’re fine for reasons that have little to do with their actual wellbeing. They may:
- Fear being a burden or causing conflict
- Want to avoid being told they need help
- Feel ashamed or confused about what they’re experiencing
- Truly believe they can “handle it” on their own
In the context of eating disorders, secrecy and denial are common. The illness itself thrives in avoidance and often “speaks” for your child—minimizing concerns, insisting nothing is wrong, or convincing them to hide what’s really happening. That’s why “I’m fine” can be one of the eating disorder’s most effective defenses.
What You Might Notice
Words can be guarded, but behaviors often tell another story. Subtle red flags may include:
- Changes in eating habits: skipped meals, rigid food “rules,” or avoiding family meals
- Shifts in mood: irritability, withdrawal, or sudden perfectionism
- Body talk: frequent negative comments about weight, shape, or bloating
- Physical cues: fatigue, dizziness, or frequent stomach complaints
- Rigid routines: over-exercising, calorie counting, or unusual bathroom habits
None of these alone confirm an eating disorder—but together, they can point to distress that deserves attention.
Why It’s So Hard to Push Back (And Why You Must)
I have deep empathy for how uncomfortable this can be. Challenging your teen—especially when they seem to “have it all together”—can feel disloyal or even cruel. You may worry about damaging the relationship. You may fear they’ll shut down or pull away.
And the truth is—they might. That initial rupture can be painful and scary. But it doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice. In fact, it often means you’ve touched a nerve the eating disorder wants to protect.
Holding the line, even in the face of pushback, is an act of fierce love. The short-term discomfort is always worth the long-term goal: keeping your child safe and getting them the help they need before things worsen.
How to Gently Check In
Avoiding the conversation may feel safer in the moment, but silence often gives the illness more power. Instead, aim for gentle curiosity.
- Reflect what you see: “I’ve noticed you’ve been skipping dinner a lot lately, and I’m concerned.”
- Share your feelings: “When you say you’re fine, I still feel worried, because I know you.”
- Invite openness, not pressure: “If talking feels hard right now, that’s okay. Just know I’m here, and I want to understand.”
You don’t need to have proof—just concern. Saying out loud what you see and feel creates opportunities for support and early intervention.
Trusting Your Gut and Seeking Support
As parents, it’s natural to doubt ourselves—especially when our teen insists nothing is wrong. But your instincts are a valuable tool. That persistent feeling—the one that nudges you when your child says “I’m fine”? It’s not paranoia. It’s parental wisdom.
If something feels off, don’t wait for absolute certainty. Reach out to a pediatrician, therapist, or dietitian for guidance. Early intervention is one of the strongest predictors of recovery. And remember—you don’t have to figure this out alone. Support from trusted professionals, and even consultation services like the ones I provide, can give you clarity and help you move forward with confidence.
Final Word
When your teen says, “I’m fine,” but your gut says otherwise—trust your instincts. Lean in with gentle curiosity, even if it feels scary. Validate your fears, and remember that naming what you see is an act of love, not betrayal. Listening between the lines may be the first step toward saving your child’s life.